Hello everyone and welcome to our place!
Today I bring you an array of thoughts that I actually was thinking in writing about last week. However, since The Lost Village ended up having so much backlash I decided to go with a review and sort of defend this Anime. But, here’s a new Tuesday and it’s time to go a little further in what The Lost Village taught me / made me thing about, which is:
– Accepting Our Emotional Scars –
We all have emotional scars. Some of us present bigger ones, others present smaller ones. But, in the end we all have emotional scars to lead with. In my case, I would say I have a medium scar that I need to deal with every single day of my life. I’m not going to talk about it since it’s way too close to heart and implies talking about people who did not apply for having their life talked about in a Blogging format.
Nevertheless, they are still here. As you may know, much of Mayoiga theme ends up accepting one’s emotional struggles and fears. When I was watching each one of the characters being physically faced by their own feels and accept them I just ended up thinking about how I dealt with my emotional scars. To be honest I still don’t know if I was able to accept them or if I just threw them under the rug and let them be there.
But, let’s starts with how I handled things when these scars were still opening. It all started in my youngest teens and it only started to get better in my twenties, so you can see that much time passed there.
– Highschool Time –
This was the time where everything was happening, where my safety net was not there and felt all my life shaky and ready to colapse in any minute. Here, it was also when I had depression. However, contrary to what someone would think, these were the times where I was the most popular, talked to everyone and made the highest number of “friends”.
The thing is, things were not right, but I saw school as my safe place. When I entered my school ground I would just put aside all of my problems. I laughed, I talked (a lot), I skipped classes to be with my friends and in the end, the only thing you could see was an extroverted, popular guy who seemed to be able to befriend anyone. And, to be honest, that’s not a lie… At all. That’s what I did in a daily basis and I was, in fact, popular.
Moreover, my grades never slipped even once. Yes, in my 10th grade my average was not that great, but you can blame that on the difference of the way you learn versus 9th grade, or being in the worst class in all Highschool. Of course, this was not the case, but that’s what people thought. But, after that year, my grades went up again and I even entered in the excelence board at my school in my senior year.
Yeah, that is right. There was even people that were envious of me, this because they could only see a guy with extremelly good grades, popular, confident, not that ugly and a nice girlfriend. However, they didn’t knew what was really happening in my life. If they did they would never be envious of, not at all.
So, did I accepted what was happening to me in that time? No, not really. In fact, I think the only thing I did was to enter a buble and fake that everything was ok when it wasn’t.
– College Years –
My first year on college was the most difficult year in my life so far. First, I went away of my hometown and went to Portugal’s capitol. Second, I entered in the degree I wanted, in the school I wanted… But, in the end of the day I hated it. Not even a semester in and I was already skipping classes. It was not that I wouldn’t be able to do good in it, but I just hated it all and I prefered to stay at home. Moreover, this was the time I really got addicted in League of Legends, worst thing I could ever do. I just feel I lost a year of my life in there.
However, difficult as it may be, it was an extremely important year for me. This was the year that I finally felt everything that I was hiding for years. Every scar that was opened started healing slowly and it hurt like hell! How did I got out from that hole, I don’t really know, but I survived it and was able to start over.
The year aftewards I decided to change degrees and went to management. Again, I entered the degree I wanted, in the school I wanted… But, this time I really liked I was doing it. Things went completely different. I did all sort of things and my life couldn’t be more filled. However, again, I entered my bubble and forgot about my scars. 3 years later I had my anxiety problems. It seems that I buckled in so much that I would go and burst it out sooner or later, well 3 years it was. That’s what you get when you don’t like to speak up I believe.
Nevertheless, this time it was different. I had something that I didn’t have when I was younger, the love of my life and my boyfriend. He helped me a LOT and I will be forever grateful for it. This time I attacked the situation in a cold and analytical way. I thought about everything, I went the deepest I could to understand what was happening, understand them and accept them.
– Present Years –
Ok, it has been 3 years since I got out of college. Nevertheless, I’ll call it present years. My life nowadays is nothing compared to 10 years ago (of course). I’m now living with my boyfriend and basically have a family with him (our children is our plants) and, therefore, my priorities are a little different.
Did I accepted my past scars? Yeah, most of them! I can say that I had! They are still there, I still dream about them from time to time making my next day a difficult one to pass, but, in the end, I’ve accepted them. When I look back and think about all the emotional distress I had to face, I ask myself how the hell I was able to survive that. How the hell I found the strenght to continue with the thoughts of a brighter future. The truth is, I did survive and I reached my brighter future.
Is it done, though? Is everything completely ok? Nope, not at all. There are still many battles to face, some old and others which will appear in the future. However, I’ll be here to get scarred again, heal up and then accept it.
It’s funny though. At the moment I talk way less that I did when I was a teen. Don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing. If I went from an extrovert to an introvert, or what was it. The thing is, now I feel that I only need to talk when I do have something to add up, maybe it’s also because I’m older now, I dunno. I do know, though, that the word I can describe my inner feeling at the moment is peace. Not happy, not sad, but peace.
Happiness and sadness come and go, that’s life and how emotions work. There are days I feel better, other days I feel worse. Somedays I think the blog is going really well, others feel that no-one is interested in what I’m saying. That’s how life is, that’s how moods are. However, something that remains present is, peace and peace is good!
What about you! Were you able to accept your past scars?