Bathroom Thoughts, Deep Thoughts

Am I good Enough?

Hi everyone and welcome to my place!

[Arthifis from the future here: I just want to add two things. First that I’m feeling a little better today versus when I wrote this. Second, this post is the one that I’m feeling more difficult to just not delete everything and don’t post it at all (I wroteย this yesterday and I scheduled to go out today). However, I’m only human after all and I think it’s important to share when I’m feeling down and more vulnerable. I think that if at least one person ends up relating to me and make you feel better it’s worth it. So, yeah that’s what Arthifis from today wants to say.]

Today I’m going to address something that has been in my head in the past few days/weeks… The thought of “I’m not good enough!” is popping up more times than it should and well… I decided to write a little about it. I mean, isn’t what’s blogging for? I hope that more than helping myself while writing this I can reach you and motivate you on your daily life because I know that this kind of thinking is general and everyone already thought this 4 little words that create a huge impact in ourselves at least once in their lives.

To be honest I was going to write this yesterday night, I wrote the title and then I just stared to the editor without knowing what to discuss or how to even discuss it, so as anyone would do, I just went to Youtube and start procrastinating. I found an interview with Oprah as the interviewed for the Stanford Graduate School of Business and basically she said everything I was needing to hear at that moment. I don’t believe 100% in destiny, but for that video appearing in my Youtube recommended videos at that moment… Let’s say it was a great coincidence.

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But, ok! Let me first explain you what is this about feeling that I’m not good enough. I’ve been honest and open to you all when it comes to make a living through blogging/youtube/twitch (although blogging is the only one I’m working right now). So, probably I have this feeling of wanting of succeed higher than people who are doing this just for the funs as a hobby! I know that it will take a while until I’m going to be able to do some kind of money with blogging… But, more than time it’s those kind of jobs that I feel there is no middle ground (I may be wrong). I feel that or you are great on this and you end up with a lot of followers and people who really are willing to give you money for your work and make tons of it or you are average and will not be able to make enough to even pay your rent. Maybe I’m wrong and I DO hope that I’m wrong! Nevertheless, because of this way of thinking I just feel pressured to continue creating content, getting those likes, those comments, those followers… And you know what happens when that kind of things do not happen? I think to myself “I’m not good enough!”.

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Well… I think if I didn’t dwell into Youtube yesterday this would basically be my post, however I did go watch Oprah’s interview and I learnt something there. You can see the full interview here.

The interview started with Oprah talking about the beginning of her career in television. You know, even Oprah had to start somewhere! I didn’t know about this, but she started as a news reporter and although she was making good money with it she didn’t feel that she was doing what she was supposed to do, or at least what she felt she would like to do with her life. She ended up being demoted (because she was under contract and her bosses didn’t want to pay the money to fire her) and that’s when she started talk. Basically she ended up in a talk show interviewing an ice cream man and his ice cream’s multi flavours and in that day she understood that’s what she wanted to do, that’s why she was born. She continues explaining that she learnt to hear herself more and to think what it is true to her not others and go with her guts. That’s why she ended up in Chicago even though most people said to her she would fail (which of course she didn’t). In the end every step she made was all around the same thing, what did she wanted to give to the World, which in her case it was (and is) bring awareness to the people.

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Now, it’s an hour interview so of course she talked about different subjects, such as everyone is looking for any kind of validation with the explanation that from the murderer to Beyoncรฉ to all people she interviewed, all of them would ask her “How was that? Did I do ok?”. Highly recommend you to watch it since I really felt inspired by it.

At the end of it she addresses the thing that I’ve been telling myself. She says “Don’t think that you are not good enough! That’s why people ask “How was that?”, because people need to know how to measure up.” Well, she defends that if you are here, then you are already a miracle doesn’t really matters how that sperm hit that egg, being here, being alive is a miracle. The last sharing of her is that we are all here for a reason, we all have a a way to express ourselves to the fullest and it’s our job to understand it, to hear ourselves and to work our life around it so we can get it there.

When I heard this last phrase automatically my reason pop up… I think that I knew this for a lot of time, but I always end up putting it aside because how difficult it is to make money out of it, my reason to be here and when I am really the happiest and feel that I’m expressing myself in the fullest is by entertaining people. Making something that makes the other person feel good and enjoy what I just put out there just makes me the happiest. People always tell me “Yeah, but that does not make any money! Maybe you can do it as a hobby!”, well they are not wrong you know, especially here in Portugal it’s hard to make a living out of any kind of entertainment, but I know in my guts that there won’t be any other job where I will always give my 100% and never have the feeling of just wanting to take the day off.

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How is that realization going to change my life? Well, first I’m going to stop giving a F about the views, likes, comments, followers… That’s good and all, but that is NOT the objective (I couldn’t care less of being famous, in fact I would prefer to make money from entertainment and do not become famous) and here I’m also talking about my work (I am a digital marketer) where the pressure to get those numbers are even higher.

Moreover, I’ve been writing reviews in this blog almost from the start and I found some kind of structure where I start with the story, then characters, then animation/audio, you know… Because that’s how you are supposed to write a review… Well, I’m going to start changing it, or at least try! At this moment everything I will do being in this blog or at work I will think to myself first, how can I entertain the people who will read/watch this? The Hunger Games series that started yesterday is one example! I’m not going to say that I will stop writing reviews, because I won’t, but I’m going to try to make them more my own and express my personality through them than what I’ve been doing until now.

I don’t know if this makes any kind of sense to you or even if you do find this the minimum of inspiring, I know well that I’m not as good with words as Oprah or many other people for that matter, but it’s me being honest and it’s me telling to myself “It’s time to put my priorities straight!”. Yes, I want to make a living of a job that I feel that I am entertaining to those around me and I will work my hardest to do so! I don’t know if it will be troughย this blog or any kind of other outlet, but I’m excited to find out!

And you? Do you know what is the thing that is the full expression of yourself?

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See You Soon! ๐Ÿ˜€

29 thoughts on “Am I good Enough?”

  1. Do what’s right for you, but also make sure you don’t lose sight of the reasons you started doing this in the first place — see my comment on Irina’s post on a similar subject earlier today! It’s good to keep your audience in mind, but make sure you’re entertaining yourself, too, because that’s often a big part of it. Write the things you would want to read and you’ll attract like-minded people naturally ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’ve already read your comment in Irina’s post and I completely agree with you! ๐Ÿ™‚
      And yeah, you are right and I’m going to try to go back to that route again! It seems I lost myself a little bit along the way, it’s time to come to the right path again xD Thank you for your insightful comment eheh

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I commend you on your bravery in posting this, it can be hard to be vulnerable, especially on the internet, staring at that cold and empty blank page before pouring your soul onto it is no easy task, but then putting it out there, well it takes guts and determination.

    I too want to make a living out of this thing we call anime blogging, and while I have no great tips or secrets (after all I’ve only been here for 2 months) the thing I think is most important is that your true to yourself! In spite of self doubt, or naysayers or whatever, you do what makes you happy!

    And to address the subject of this topic, about not being good enough, even the most famous, the most wealthy and the most successful in any and every given field has had that thought, for some they dwelled on it and it was their undoing, the trick is to not allow those thoughts to take hold. You ARE good enough, because there’s people out there who like what you do enough to read an extremely long post! And write an extremely long comment!

    I may not be able to speak from experience, but I can speak from the heart and say, you are good enough, we all are.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you! ๐Ÿ™‚ It did take a lot of courage to publish this post >..<

      Ooooh thank you so much!! And you are completely right! It means the world to me having someone as yourself taking the time to read my little ramblings and commenting on top of that! But I dunno, I think I went out of my path for a little bit, just noticed it and I'm doing my best to come again to my own path and journey when it comes to blogging! xD And well, try not feel so absorved regarding statitics ๐Ÿ˜›

      Thank you! ๐Ÿ™‚ And yes, that's my current line of though at this moment, we are all good enough! We just need to continue pushing and not quit ๐Ÿ™‚

      Again, thank you so much for your insightful and kind comment! It means the world to me! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I think one of the big issues with any artistic job, (and I do consider blogging and youtube to be artistic) is that empirical measurements are almost impossible. โ€œTalentโ€ is subjective and what may entertain you may not be interesting to someone else. On tope of that thereโ€™s a whole arbitrary aspect of popularity. You know better than most (certainly better than me) that advertising, getting your content noticed is as important (occasionally more) as the quality of the content itself.
    This comment is sounding a bit more patronizing than I want it to.
    I had a knee jerk reaction to this post. Since the beginning of the year, more than a few blogs I was really enjoying have stopped posting and I donโ€™t want to loose you too. I was panic explaining. Point is, I like your writing. Your personality comes off so sincere and warm. Your blog is like a little safe haven. That seems like a talent to me.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. And yet again! Great minds think alike! Just wrote a comment in YOUR blog! XD

      First don’t worry! You are not going to lose me! I’m not just going to throw out the thing that I love the most doing and which I would love to make a career out of it someday! Let’s just say that I’m not always happy and that although I know that I’ve been coming up with nice and different ideas I do feel burned out from time to time and that as everyone lose a little a bit of confidence… In reality I always struggled with self-cofidence when it comes to intelligence, but that will be a conversation for another day!

      Yes I also consder Youtube and Blogging an artistic job! I mean, what other thing would you call it? And yes, this is the kind of things that can’t be only measurable with empirical values. There is a lot more than that, however, as the logical person I am, it is true that I take a lot into account the only numbers I can get out of it and see if they are doing good or not!

      Regarding the publicity, again, you are absolutely right! You will not be able to make great content popular without knowing how to advertise it! It’s a shame really, but it’s how things are done, there is way too much information in the Internet and people have so much time, this way, or you are able to make them interested with titles, thumbnails, catchy tweets or you just end up being out (And here I mean reaching people out of the blogging community). But, well, again that is another conversation and I do have the objective to come up with a post talking about this and giving insights about this subject. I mean I have a degree on it, so I would be better using it!

      Thank very much about your kind words! Really, it does mean the world to me! ๐Ÿ™‚ Although as I wrote I’m going to try to step up a little bit and just go with trying to entertain the people who come across my blog! I want to turn it more personal, funnier without loosing the part of giving nice reviews and so on! It’s going to be hard work and I don’t really know how the hell am I going to do it! But, well I’ll sort something out!

      Regarding the bloggers who unfortunely are going away and stop posting, well first I hope that this post will help some people that are feeling the same, at least they will not feel so alone (and that’s why I ended up pressing the publish button) and second, I already have an idea to help some blogs to flourish. I won’t be able to help everyone out, but at least I will try to do my best! ๐Ÿ™‚ Again, thank you very much for your kind words! And don’t worry, unless it’s for holidays I’m going to stick around! Let’s grow old together ^^

      Liked by 2 people

  4. It’s hits every blogger. This is something even now I feel with my blog is it good enough that people want to come visit it. We all want to feel worth in the things we do. say at the start I did not feel there was any but now I feel there is much worth in what I do with my blog and opportunities it had led for me. If my blog comes popular enough one day I might consider changing my wordpress plan but for now. I like the freedom as it’s a space for me still to let me ramble. People seem to enjoy my rambles and that’s good enough for me. If I didn’t have my blog to work on I don’t know what I’d be doing.

    Once you get yourself in that space when you’ve been blogging for a while if you feel what your putting out is good enough. Really is best just not to think that at all honestly. and Just put out whatever. Glad your going to pursue what you want most arthifis XD really enjoyed reading your post !!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, I also am with the free plan for now… I wouldn’t have the money to invest right now so even if I wanted to change it I wouldn’t ahah

      Nevertheless I’m going to try to think more like you and not pressure myself and my little place to go big enough to become profitable. I’m just going back to enjoying myself and take the time it needs! In the end I just love blogging and that’s why I’m going to do it. I know that sooner or later I’ll be able to become this a full time thing when the time is right. For now, I’m gonna chill down and just enjoy the ride to the fullest!

      Thank you so much for your kind comment! ๐Ÿ˜€

      Like

  5. Arthifis, first of all great post. Sharing your thoughts and feelings about this couldn’t have been easy to write.
    Let me start with telling you what I tell my students (who are a lot younger about 12 till 15 years old ๐Ÿ˜…).
    1. Be good and be proud of who you are and don’t feel ashamed of what you want.
    2. We live in a world where it is not always easy to get the job you want (especially entertainment or a creative job) or make money from that job. But if it is what you really want…then you have to give it your all and you will fall on your face a lot of times, accept that. If you don’t want to make the journey then you don’t really want that job for a living.
    3. Try to have a backup plan in case you need it. You can always go back to what you really want to do in life but not if you have no money or people who support you.

    Especially that last part. Because there are so many people who try to get into this business, you have to put a lot of work in it.

    But Arthifis, you probably know all of this already ๐Ÿ˜Š.
    Keep on going and be yourself and if you fall…thats okay, you’ll get back up one way or another. It may take time or it will go quickly. Indeed remember Oprah, you are enough and you matter.

    I think you are brilliant and so talented with your writing. Keep going ๐Ÿ’–

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you~! Yeah, let’s say it took a little of courage to publish it >..<

      Thank you so much for your kind comment! It did brighten my day and I don't know how didn't I figured out that you were a teacher before, there is something i your way to say things that screams just that! ๐Ÿ˜€ Again, thank you so much ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re so welcome! (Being a teacher is actually my back up plan, lol ๐Ÿ˜… until I finish my book and someone is crazy enough to publish it). Have a great day! Hope all of these comments from everybody is giving you a great and happy boost! ๐Ÿค—

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Ahahah well, just because it is back up plan it doesn’t mean you don’t have to be good at it! My back up plan is being a digital marketeer and well, I want to do a good job nontheless ahah Nontheless I’m sure that you will get published one day ๐Ÿ™‚

        Thank you~! You too! And yes, they are! Especially because I was able to see that as I thought there way more people out there that have feeling the same as me and this post may somewhat helped them not to feel so alone ^.^

        Liked by 1 person

  6. i tell myself im not good enough all the time. then i ask myself if im okay with that. it’s how i know there’s always something to work on. of course, things like views and comments matter to me, but they’re not my driving force.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s an interesting way to put it! I also do a lot of retroinspective (is that how you write it) thinking and I’m too hard on myself so I’m always working to improve myself in many kind of things at the same time! ๐Ÿ™‚
      The stats thing is not my driving force either, in reality I blog because I love it and that’s that! If I didn’t I would have quitted a long time ago because this F needs a lot of work and effort xD However, until today the stats were the answer if I was doing alright or not and I need to stop that and just write because I like and because I’m giving to the world what I always wanted, entertainment ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  7. I always compare myself to other authors. “Oh they are publish and going to conventions” and “If I would have started 10 years ago I would be so far now” or “Can I even write? This story is stupid!”

    What you said made sense and I recently came to the same realization. I’m happy writing so I’m going to write. I may or may not ever get published but I’m going to keep writing since it makes me happy.

    We are still human and I will still feel the need to compare myself, but I have the mantra that I have to tell myself. “This is my journey, I am creative, I am strong” (These were my yoga meditations that I set for myself in class). Then I go write the next chapter.

    Thank you for posting this, theses are the hard ones let people see a bit of what is inside. Just know that you are not alone and you posting does let others know and it gives them hope to keep trying another day.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Completely relate to the age thing… Although that is more towards acting than writing, I don’t really think there is THE age to write, but I do understand well what you want to say!

      I think that if you continue struggling and giving our all the “lucky strikes” and the opportunities will end up coming so let’s push forward together ๐Ÿ™‚

      That is a nice mantra! I also do something like that. Not yoga though! Normally is at the mirror and to get things done I just say to myself (out loud) “Daniel (my real name), You are going to stop feeling bad with yourself, you will finish this talk with you and then you will do this and that and that….”. Normally it works like a charm eheh

      Thank you very much for your kind words and yes, that was the final objective of this post, so that people who are feeling the same know that they are not alone and that we will pass with that and we can’t just quit. That’s what made me click on that publish button. Because, although everyone knows that the rest also feels this kind of away it’s not really something that people come out and say it…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It is amazing what self affirmations do to our mind and help get us out of our funk. I’m glad you posted it!
        Also we can look to Black Panther and 88 year old woman got her first acting role! Stories like that keep me going.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. There will always be a time, especially in fields of art, literature and ‘skill’ based ones, where one will take a step back and wonder, “Am I good enough? I don’t think so.”
    Hell, in every place and time of life we do that.
    I, Art-san, personally think that it’s a milestone. It’s when we think this, that we become even better. (So you’ll soon be soaring in the skies higher than ever before!)

    When I think like that, I always take a break, work on something new and then get back.

    All that i wanted to say was better articulated by Rin-san, so I’ll just say that whichever decision you take, it’ll turn out great, Just be the way you are Art-san, it’s a great thing to be.

    Like

  9. I think you should know how much I appreciate your posts. You recently read my marketing campaign over at my growing award tag post right?
    You and I, we’re so hard on ourselves that we need all the support we can get with each other and with these amazing people in the community.
    Great minds really … ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes I did Chizu-bro! Thank you so much! ^.^

      Yeah you can say that! I think in the end the problem is that I’m never trully happy with myself and think I always need improving >.< But oh well, we will go and grow all together xD

      Liked by 1 person

      1. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all. But we shouldn’t beat ourselves too much over it. ๐Ÿ˜Š I may not always be at your every post or comment section but I want you to know that I truly do support your growth, especially as a blogger and someone who is always in a quest to improve one’s self.
        Happy blogging to us! ^^

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m sure people love your posts. I mean, look at how much good responses you got from this one post. Responses I will probably never have, sniff.
    Well, just continue doing what you want and I’m sure everything will be fine. I can’t really say much else since everyone else has said it for me, so have a virtual hug from me. \o/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well yeah you are right! ๐Ÿ™‚ However when you are on your daily life putting content and just trying to grow as a blogger it can sometimes become a little hard >.< Oh don't say that! Most people I know loves you (myself included) so I really do think you would have even better responses ๐Ÿ™‚

      Thank you for your kind words they mean the world to me! And yes, I'm going to push throught it all and try to entertain you guys the best you can!

      *virtual hug* \o/

      Liked by 1 person

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